Cold hands, warm shart.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
