I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
