do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize