I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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