super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
did i walk over a car last night?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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