never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
