I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
