Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
