Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
