Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude i'm inner monologue high
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
