i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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