please come you make the beer taste better
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize