So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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