Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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