mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
