You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
