textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
