Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
