What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
