and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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