if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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