I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We're too hungover to prance.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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