I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
