Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My liver just had a heart attack.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You ruined the universe
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
