i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
