Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
