she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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