Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
