I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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