So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
it glows. i had to have it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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