69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
