he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
