somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
