people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
