Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
