my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
