I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
