Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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