You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
