So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
