If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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