I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
