If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
