New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize