i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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