Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
