i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
