Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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