I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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