Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
