maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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