My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
