Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
