I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
