My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
