I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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