Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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