Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
