I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
