Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
COCAINE IS GR8
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize