I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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