I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
