My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
