well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
