i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
