My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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