I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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