She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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