Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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