3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize