i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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