The maid of honor just puked.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
