u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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