My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize