Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
