so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
