just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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