We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
