you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
