Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
