bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
