ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
