I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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