Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
