proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
