apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
