Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
ttyl tear gas
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize