your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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