What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
