i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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