the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
