My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
