well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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