I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize