I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
