Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
