I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
