apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
