he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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