He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
