I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
