At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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