the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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