Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
