jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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