Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
