God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
