please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
