she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize