a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
