Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
