Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
