I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
