mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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