i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
