she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Less talking, more tequila
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
