I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize