Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
