3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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