I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
