I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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