I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
