my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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